Being single on Valentine’s day and 12 ways to make it great. Here are twelve keys to get through what can either be a depressing day or a great one. You choose. Holidays are all a challenge when you are in a life circumstance you don’t want to be in. Holidays are portrayed in media with perfect families who love each other deeply, laughing and eating in their nice big home with their perfect children, eating a sumptuous meal.
That’s a Hollywood Holiday. In real life, the family may be fighting, dying, or gone. The food might be terrible and the home tiny and poor. Or it may be spent alone. You may have a beautiful home and lots of food but you are alone. Most holidays are nothing like Hollywood and we need to learn to live joyfully in the reality we have.Most holidays are nothing like Hollywood and we need to learn to live joyfully in the reality we have. Click To Tweet
The Realities of Valentine’s Day
Valentine’s day isn’t always what it’s made out to be whether you are married, engaged, in a committed relationship, just dating, or none of the above! First of all, there is pressure to spend money you may not have. Second, there are all these false expectations of romance which, for most, are just not going to happen. Being single on Valentine’s Day isn’t the worst situation.
Disappointment happens. He forgot to buy you a card and you are heartbroken. You are single and there is no one sending you a card but your Mom. You are so tired after a long day of work that you came home and fell asleep on the couch. Or, you had to work an extra shift. Or, you can’t even afford a card! But we can still choose to find peace and contentment regardless of our circumstances.
Being Single on Valentines Day
Being single or just alone on holidays can be depressing. The first Valentine’s day after my husband died was like that. We never really did much celebrating on Valentine’s day but we still acknowledged it and sometimes did cards or gifts.
On that Valentine’s Day, he wasn’t there to say “I love you” to. All the commercials and television shows were talking about it. It was talked about at church. It seemed to be everywhere except at my house! My house was quiet and lonely.
Maybe you were married or in a close relationship and everything has fallen apart. You feel like a failure and are grieving what has been lost. Perhaps, there is anger, resentment, and deep hurt you are still trying to work through and then comes Valentine’s Day. I would never want to minimize the very real pain you are experiencing, the same one I experienced. I just want to encourage you to fight being swallowed by your emotions. They are real and true but never what we are to be led by. For a time, they may overwhelm you but you can overcome that and find peace.
The Process of Grieving
Times like this are when you need friends and family to help you. You need to grieve the loss of your marriage or relationship and the future as you knew it. Grieving is a process to move through. It is never a place to stay. As you move in and out of the stages, backward and forward, you need an anchor for your soul because the situation and emotions will try to pull you into a black hole of hopelessness. Your anchor, of course, is Jesus. In spite of all your emotions, put down the anchor of His love and peace.
While my experience is different than yours, some parts are the same. I had to grieve the loss of my life as I knew it along with the loss of the man I had loved for so long. I had to fight being swallowed by depression, grief, and loneliness. I didn’t want this life and had not chosen it and I told God how I felt about it. At the same time, I also knew I had to fight and so I did. So do you.
Being single after 48 years of being with the person you love is hard. It was lonely. I did have the advantage of having had a wonderful life and family. However, that sometimes made the loneliness even more intense. I had a lot to be thankful for but going from ‘we’ to ‘me’ is never easy.
I made the choice to be in charge of the life I was given and to make sure Jesus was was in charge of me. I learned to be content. It was very hard work and took long hours of practicing exactly what I’m telling you, to reach that contentment.
I learned that there were some great things about being single that I enjoyed. But, I practiced what I’m preaching.
I’m not trying to minimize your pain because it’s real. I just know that focusing on what you don’t have makes life so very hard. It doesn’t stop the pain, it magnifies it. It intensifies the loneliness and blocks your ability to appreciate what you do have. I wanted my husband back but that was never going to happen and I had to adjust to the reality of a life I didn’t want until I finally appreciated and wanted it!I'm not trying to minimize your pain because it's real. I just know that focusing on what you don't have makes life so very hard. It doesn't stop the pain, it magnifies it. It intensifies the loneliness and blocks your ability to… Click To Tweet
You could just decide to ignore Valentine’s Day but, that’s hard when it’s being advertised everywhere including heart-shaped pizza! Maybe you are one of the people who don’t really care about the day. If so, you can stop reading! Just kidding. Keep reading and be glad that you aren’t struggling, but also be compassionate toward those who are. How can you get through and actually make it a great day? Here are 12 ways.
First – stop the Negative Thinking
When we let ourselves slide downward into self-pity, we have to stop. I know, that sounds harsh. I don’t mean it that way but there is no easy way to say it. This is just one day out of a total of 365 you get for the average year. Don’t allow this one day to make you miserable and ruin even more days of your year.
Put the day in perspective. If you are single, you have learned or are learning to cope with that reality. As a Christian, you have put your life and relationships in God’s hands and trust Him for your future.
As I said, I had to make a decision to embrace the life I was given and to find what God’s purpose for me was in it. I had to battle self-pity just like everyone else.
Feeling sorry for yourself might be okay for a few minutes but then – you need to stop. It accomplishes nothing. Not one good thing comes into your life through the door of self-pity. Yes, you are lonely. Yes, you want a companion, someone to love and cherish you and you want them to have skin on. Even though we know God loves us and is with us, we need human interaction. There is nothing wrong with what you want, but you won’t get it by letting self-pity fill your life.
Second – Do Something For Someone Else
If you aren’t going to feel sorry for yourself, what are you going to do? If you want, give yourself fifteen minutes to feel sorry for yourself and pour out all your woes to God in total honesty. Use a timer and when it goes off, stop. Switch to planning out your day and including something special you like to do. Include friends and family in your day. If you have to work, stop at the store and buy treats for everyone you can. Make a list of all the wonderful things you have in your life.
I know there are some of you who may not have any family around you. Reach out to them if you can. If you can’t, reach out to your friends. Or, take your lunch hour, go to a shelter, and help serve lunch. Get off work early and go back to the shelter after you stop at a store and buy socks for all the children at the shelter. If you can’t afford that, buy some little bags Valentine’s Day candy and hand it out to them.
Putting your focus on the needs of others instead of yourself will lift you up. It will help you stop feeling sorry for yourself as you see others whose lives are harder than yours.
Third – Practice Gratitude
If you have a journal, write down ten things you are thankful for. If you don’t have a journal, just get a piece of paper and write them down. Tomorrow, put it on your refrigerator with a note to add two more things each day for the rest of the month. By the end of the month, you will have at least 38 things to be thankful for.
Do you have food in your cupboards? Write that down. Do you have shoes? Maybe you have a special jacket or sweater you really love. Do you have transportation? Do you have a place to live? Do you have a bed? Are there sheets and a pillow on that bed? Do you own a television or a radio, a computer, a phone, a tablet, or books? Are you healthy or at least able to live on your own? You get the idea.
Take the list with you today, and every time you start to get down about not having your own special valentine, look at your list. You can silently pray and thank God for what you have. Really be thankful. Don’t minimize the power of gratitude.
Fourth – Pray For others
Write down the names of some people you know who need your prayer. Maybe they are disabled, extremely ill, or maybe they live in a shelter. Do some of your friends have needs? Pray for them instead of yourself. If you don’t’ know anyone, check your local newspaper. Somewhere, there’s an article about a stranger in need. Your prayers are powerful and you can make a difference in their life.
If you are part of a church, there are people there who are struggling and need your prayers to help them overcome. As you pray for them, be genuine and ask God to show you how to pray for them. Follow it up by sending them a note, email, text or call them. Just tell them you are praying and that God loves them.
Fifth – Fellowship
Get together with some friends who are in the same situation. If you don’t have any single friends, then at least call and talk to your other friends. They would probably love to get together for coffee and some fellowship. If not today, plan it for tomorrow and don’t let today trap you.
Do the same with family or with your church family. Don’t just do nothing. Do something positive that will build you and others up. Doing Life Together Defeats Loneliness!
Sixth – Pray for Peace and Contentment
Pray to have peace and contentment right now in your current situation. I know – that’s what everyone says and they just don’t understand what you are going through. That is true. However, it doesn’t change the fact that staying depressed and focused on what you don’t have, will only make your life worse. Be thankful for what you do have. Pray for and practice peace and contentment. You have to make a decision. Do you want to continue on this path or do you want peace and contentment in your life?
When you start obsessing over having a boyfriend or a husband, stop. Go back to some scripture on contentment and peace. Write them down and keep them with you so that you have quick access to stop that cycle of woe.
Don’t condemn yourself for it. You are human and everyone deals with this. Just decide to make a change. God does not condemn you and He wants you to have contentment and peace!
- Philippians 4:11-13 TPT – “I’m not telling you this because I’m in need, for I have learned to be satisfied in any circumstance. I know what it means to lack, and I know what it means to experience overwhelming abundance. For I’m trained in the secret of overcoming all things, whether in fullness or in hunger. And I find that the strength of Christ’s explosive power infuses me to conquer every difficulty.”
- Matthew 6:33 TPT, “So above all, constantly chase after the realm of God’s kingdom and the righteousness that proceeds from him. Then all these less important things will be given to you abundantly.”
- Philippians 4:6-7 TPT, “Don’t be pulled in different directions or worried about a thing. Be saturated in prayer throughout each day, offering your faith-filled requests before God with overflowing gratitude. Tell him every detail of your life, then God’s wonderful peace that transcends human understanding, will make the answers known to you through Jesus Christ.“
Seventh – Start Anticipating What God Has for You As A Single Person
You have the ability to be far more mobile, diverse, and spontaneous than someone who is married and has a family. You are not abandoning that hope of a family. Instead, you are maximizing what you have and where you are right now. You have opportunities to serve, learn, grow, go, change, and expand your horizons. Take advantage of it!
You have the opportunity to be even better prepared for marriage and family. Don’t waste it. Outdo everyone you know in serving others and lifting up the poor, the widows, and the orphans. What is pure and undefiled religion in the sight of God?
“True spirituality that is pure in the eyes of our Father God is to make a difference in the lives of the orphans, and widows in their troubles, and to refuse to be corrupted by the world’s values.” James 1:27 TPT
Eighth – Expand Your Life
Educate yourself, get a new job, begin volunteering, go abroad and serve, learn a craft and start using it to benefit others. Take up a new hobby. Expand your circle of friends by going on some new adventures. Volunteer more in your church.
Use your time to build your spiritual life by praying more, taking courses on the Bible, or developing new skills. Use the time God is giving you to be a blessing to others and, in the process, you will receive a blessing.
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Ninth – Do Something Fun
Throw a party. Plan a dinner at a special restaurant with friends or family. Go to the zoo, a play, or a concert. Maybe you just want to stay at home, invite a couple of friends over, order food in, and play some games. Or, enjoy an evening at home with a long bath and some great worship songs playing. Then watch your favorite movie. Whatever is fun to you, do it if you can. If you can’t do your first choice, do the second one. Go for a long walk. Write or journal. Sing. Do whatever brings you joy! There are great benefits to Rejoicing in the Lord.
Tenth – Get Some Support
It could be that this whole single thing really has knocked you down. Guess what? God approves of us seeking help from others when we are weak. He talks about it in the Bible.
- 1 Thessalonians 5:14 TPT, “We appeal to you, dear brothers and sisters, to instruct those who are not in their place of battle, Be skilled at gently encouraging those who feel themselves inadequate. Be faithful to stand your ground. Help the weak to stand again. Be quick to demonstrate patience with everyone.
- Romans 15:1 The Voice, “So now what? We who are strong are not just to satisfy our own desires. We are called to carry the weaknesses of those who are not strong.“
- Galatians 6:2, TPT, “Love empowers us to fulfill the law of the Anointed One as we carry each other’s troubles.“
If you are depressed and just can’t find your way out, get help. There is no shame in this. It does not mean you are a failure as a Christian. It just means that, at this moment, you need a little help. God fully understands and instructs us to help each other. There is no condemnation from God.
Nowhere in the Bible does it say – help the weak, even though they are total failures! Every single person on earth has their time of needing help and support. Find a Christian counselor or a Pastor. Do what is best for you in this situation but definitely get help.
Eleventh – Spend the Day in Fasting and Prayer
You don’t fast and pray to convince God to bring that perfect person more quickly. Do it just to make yourself more like Jesus. Let God speak to you. Open your heart and mind to hear new things, new directions, or to receive new compassion and gifts to serve others. Do it just because you love God and want more of Him in your life. He will answer and fill you.
Twelfth – Fight
Fight the effect of the negative words coming from the enemy, yourself, and society. You are not fighting with people. This isn’t a fight that is started and fueled by anger. It is started and fueled by faith. You are fighting the same fight Timothy and Paul did.
“Timothy, you are God’s man, so run from all these errors. Instead, chase after true holiness, justice, faithfulness, love, hope, and tender humility. So fight with faith for the winner’s prize! Lay your hands upon eternal life, for this is your calling—celebrating in faith before the multitude of witnesses!” 1Timothy 6:11-12 TPT
Fight the fight of faith to obtain all God has for you And never quit
“My passion is to be consumed with him and not clinging to my own “righteousness” based in keeping the written Law. My “righteousness” will be his, based on the faithfulness of Jesus Christ—the very righteousness that comes from God. And I continually long to know the wonders of Jesus more fully and to experience the overflowing power of his resurrection working in me. I will be one with him in his sufferings and I will be one with him in his death. Only then will I be able to experience complete oneness with him in his resurrection from the realm of death.
I admit that I haven’t yet acquired the absolute fullness that I’m pursuing, but I run with passion into his abundance so that I may reach the purpose that Jesus Christ has called me to fulfill and wants me to discover. I don’t depend on my own strength to accomplish this; however I do have one compelling focus: I forget all of the past as I fasten my heart to the future instead.
I run straight for the divine invitation of reaching the heavenly goal and gaining the victory-prize through the anointing of Jesus. So let all who are fully mature have this same passion, and if anyone is not yet gripped by these desires, God will reveal it to them. And let us all advance together to reach this victory-prize, following one path with one passion.” Philippians 3:9-16 TPT
I pray that you can be filled with the same passion Paul had to never stop reaching for the prize. Fight for your faith and never give up. Paul and Timothy were both single and this is their testimony of faith and perseverance. You can choose how you live the life you are given and choose to be content and at peace in it.
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**We use verses from different Bible translations.
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